Visions of Paradise

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

On The Lighter Side

Recently I received a handful of jokes that were sent to me by E.B. Frohvet, a reader of the print version of Visions of Paradise. Some of these jokes will eventually see print in the magazine’s humor page “On the Lighter Side.” Enjoy.

Two scientists are discussing their research into behavior modification.
“We’ve started something new,” says the first scientist. “For some of our more dangerous experiments, we’ve started using lawyers.”
“Lawyers?” says the second scientist. “We’ve always used rats before.”
“Well, you know how it is,” says the first scientist. “You get so attached to rats.”

Question: What is the difference between a dead snake lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
Answer: There are skid marks in front of the snake.

Question: How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?
Answer: He takes out his credit card.

A tourist on safari in the Sahara Desert takes a wrong turn and becomes lost. After a long morning in the hot sun, he sees a man riding toward him on a donkey.
“Please help me!” the tourist says. “I’m dying of thirst.”
“I’m sorry,” says the stranger, “All I have are neckties.”
“Neckties?” cries the tourist. “I need water!”
“You seem like a nice man,” says the peddler ,“and because you’re suffering I’ll make you a special deal. I normally get $15.00 each for these ties, but I’ll let you have two for $25.”
The tourist walks away in disgust. Three hours later, staggering with exhaustion and dehydration, he sees an oasis. When he finally staggers there, he finds a man wearing a tuxedo standing under a palm tree.
“Please,” he asks, “Do you have any water?”
“Of course, sir,” the man in the tuxedo replies. “We have plenty of water.”
“Thank God! Where do I go to get some?” the tourist asks.
“The restaurant is right over there between those two trees, sir. Unfortunately, I can’t let you in without a tie.”